"I-Don't-Think-I'm-Smart-Enough-itis"

Far be it from me to mock another person for any insecurities they might have. Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Then again, should we have to deal with their neighbor, who also lives in a glass house, walking in the nude. Did I mention my neighbor is a large man with back hair? You would have some desire to throw a stone or two, wouldn't you?

I have been accused of being verbose throughout my life. Admittedly, I enjoy the challenge of "speaking intellectually," as my brother coined it. Words demonstrate ideas better than any other medium. Language paints pictures almost as well as the finest oils and pastels. And yet, we abuse the power of communication nature has bestowed upon us.

Example 1) "Ulysses" by James Joyce. The following is a small excerpt of what my girlfriend has termed "literary masturbation" (that is, the author wrote it just to feel good about what he could create... nice image, eh?).

"Solemnly he came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding country and the awaking mountains. Then, catching sight of Stephen Dedalus, he bent towards him and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. Stephen Dedalus, displeased and sleepy, leaned his arms on the top of the staircase and looked coldly at the shaking gurgling face that blessed him, equine in its length, and at the light untonsured hair, grained and hued like pale oak."

I consider myself to be well read, to possess an expansive (though not all-inclusive) vocabulary, and to make every attempt to continue to learn the nuances present in the English language. I have not a clue as to what "untonsured" means. Contextually, perhaps it means messy; the dictionary says... actually, I couldn't find a definition in any online dictionary. That is how unnecessary James Joyce's style of expression has become.

Example 2) Legalese. Fortunately, the modern world has learned not to concern itself with this particular brand of speech. In writing, however, the what-to-for, wherein, and therefores of the world find their basis in the legal world. John Marshall began the American legal tradition of overusing unnecessary words in Marbury v. Madison.

"If the transmission of a commission be not considered as necessary to give validity to an appointment; still less is its acceptance."

Of course I, and likely most people, can understand this. But why, oh why, should we have to parce through overly complex langauge to get to a point made in plain language: "Appointments are valid regardless of whether the appointment has been delivered; acceptance is unnecessary as well." TA-DA!!!

Finally 3) Law students. Today one of my fellow classmates was asked whether a statement that a car was in "A-1 shape" constituted the creation of a warranty. His response? "I consider 'A-1 shape' to be a more nebulous statement as to the quality of the car, not a specific statement as to the actual quality of the mechanical quality of the car. . ." or something like that. The key word to take away is "nebulous."

Everyone in the room understood every word spoken. Then again, everyone in the room laughed. Why, one might ask? He answered the question very well (correctly as well, though he failed to consider the alternative). He used a few large words (somethign I appreciate from time to time, though when the situation calls for it). Then again, his answer could have been summed up quite succinctly: No. It is not a warranty.

Lesson of the day? Stop talking, writing, or spouting off in any way unless necessary. Even if it makes you feel better about yourself, just stop. We are all laughing anyways, and you are making it worse for yourself.

Yeah, so says the guy who has now written a lengthy post on the failings of verbosity just to prove to himself that he could.